Saturday 21 December 2019

Expressions to avoid in a recording studio

When Steely Dan reformed in the 1990s, their website was an extension of Fagen and Becker's sardonic humour. This list appeared on their site, together with things like '36 Rules for Bands'. Anyone who has been in a band, or in a studio, should get a laugh or two out of this.
EXPRESSIONS TO AVOID
During A Recording Session

1.     Ready, Freddie (pronounced red-eye fred-eye) 
2.     Bingo, gringo 
3.     Uno, Bruno 
4.     The phones sound O.K. but I need more of myself 
5.     We won't need a click 
6.     I like what you're trying to do but not the way you're doing it 
7.     An excellent first attempt 
8.     Was that the sound you had on the demo? 
9.     Make the click louder 
10. That was a pretty good take for this time of night 
11. If you want the tempo any brighter than that, we better wait for a sunny day 
12. No dynamics? We're playing as loud as we can 
13. I think that's a pretty good sounding take for what were getting paid.. 
14. That was great, let's do it again 
15. Is that about as tight as you boys want to get it? 
16. Is it possible the click is speeding up? 
17. I'm at the point where I'm making dumb mistakes - before I was making much smarter mistakes 
18. So many drummers, so little time 
19. Why don't we do the double first and the lead will be easier to get once we've got the double 
20. I never had this problem when I was being produced by Lenny and Russ 
21. We got some things, we need some things 
22. Fabulous 
23. Punch in at the section 
24. You can't make ice cream out of shit 
25. You can't polish a turd 
26. Just let your spirit soar 
27. My spirit's already sore from the last thirty takes... 
28. Close 
29. Less is more 
30. Less is Paul 
31. Less is Brown 
32. Less is less 
33. That's the way I've been playing it all along 
34. I just wish I could get a whole band that sounds as good as I do 
35. This will be a great opportunity for me to show off my chop 
36. Let's hear the bass, if you can call it that 
37. Does your amp have an underdrive channel? 
38. You can erase that one, I remember exactly what I played 
39. We'll catch that in the mix 
40. You guys can fix that in Soundtools, right?
41. I brought my kid along, he's never been in a recording studio before 
42. My girlfriend sings great background vocals
43. I know a great drummer 
44. You guys want to try some heroin? 
45. Your girlfriend's been in the bathroom a long time 
46. Please, man, stay away from my faxes, okay?
47. I'm not going to be any more dishonest with you than I am with Donald 
48. I'd like a little more of a live feeling on this tune. 
49. I also play eleven other instruments 
50. Sorry I'm late, I just got through with my blood test (or CAT scan) 
51. That vocal's not a keeper is it? 
52. That's how I wrote it but that's not how I like to play it 
53. I can't think of any improvements that won't make it worse 
54. That ground loop is a trademark thing for me 
55. That's the new old comp from today - I want to hear the new old comp from last Tuesday 
56. That reverb would sound a lot better if it were coming out of a piece of MY GEAR
57. How bout we get rid of these 3M machines and get ourselves a frozen yogurt machine 
58. Skunk called, he's on his way down 
59. The frozen yogurt machine is broken 
60. When was the last time we worked together? Tonight.

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